The ramblings of a white, American, female, Christian

Life gets increasingly more and more interesting here. Now that classes are mostly in full swing (with only one professor M.I.A.), I'm starting to get a regular routine of my day. I go to breakfast, where I usually eat a meal of chapati (naan-like delish bread) and fried egg rolled together to make an awesome wrap. That's not a standard Tanzanian thing, I just made it up. :) I either eat with friends from the program or attempt to make Tanzanian friends by going alone. So far it's been pretty hard to make Tanzanian friends. Mostly I have a lot of small talk but it doesn't go father than that. The normal students are in the middle of exams at the moment, so they are very nervous and wound up at the moment. It's hard to get a feel of what the campus is like normally. After tomorrow they are on break for three weeks, while the dorms will basically be partially filled with international students.

My days of class are fairly full, especially Wednesdays. My classes are: International Relations and Foreign Policy, History of East Africa, Swahili, and Sociology of Race, Class, and Ethnicity. All good classes but many are things I've covered already. I knew that would happen, but I really wanted to get a perspective from the other side of the world. Too bad two of my professors are American. Oh well, I'm still excited.

After class, I've been hanging out with some people or studying. It's a fairly normal routine that is pretty similar to home. Being a student is universally the same. One thing that's interesting is the grading system. At home, to get an A you need 93 or above. Here, you need 70 or above. Of course the standards are raised, but I still find it interesting.

I had a lot of interesting conversations about race today. I'm still not fully used to the idea that I can never blend in here. Everywhere I go, I feel like I'm being stared at. People often shout, "MZUNGU!" or "white person" as I walk by. In our internship class this week, our group talked together about different cultural differences. We were given a worksheet that had a picture of an iceberg both above and below the water. For each side, we had to label cultural identities on either side to depict which were apparent and which were hidden underneath the surface. For example: modesty, gender relations, religion...and so on. Hearing people's responses were very interesting.

My group is also predominately white, which also creates an odd dynamic that can often get uncomfotable, not to mention it's 15 females and one male. We have three African American students and two of them have somewhat seperated themselves from the group. They have had the opportunity to blend in and are taking advantage of that by getting to know many tanzanians. I wish I could do that. Many people just wonder who I am but don't really know how to talk to me. I'm trying my best with Swahili, but I'm still learning. I've only been here three weeks! It's not that I don't feel comfortable. I love it here. I think it's a fabulous country that is full of beautiful people. One of the African American students is probably closest with me int he group. She is wonderful and I absolutely adore her. We work at our internship together and have gotten along from the start. Today we spent 3 hours talking about race, religion, gender, and so many other things. She told me that she felt the same way while she studied abroad in Sweden and only really made friends with immigrants and international students. I'm hoping it won't be the same way for me.

I also feel very bizarre about my sense of religion here. Religion is often discussed in our group because people have an extremely open sense of religious identity in Tanzania. Many of the students have felt very out of the place because they do not identify with any particular religion. However, I too feel out of place because the range of Christianity is so different. If I went to a church and stated: "Yes, I am a Christian. I believe in many things like loving everyone including Muslims and all those who identify as LGBTQIA (etc, etc)." Or perhaps, "women should be equal in society and the church! or even, "I don't think that God is wrathful, I think that SHE has unconditional love for each human being." I would be chased down the street by an angry mob. Some of the girls have had probelms in their internships with people who have declared them as sinners becuase they have boy friends that are not their fiances. I was sitting alone outside the other day, and this young guy about my age comes over with a form asking me to donate some money and sign a peition. it was for an evangelical group on campus that goes out into villages and converts "sinners". He asked if I was Christian, to which I replied "Ndiyo" and he said God wanted me to donate money to this cause because we needed to save all those who are lost souls. I found myself speechless. I have nothing against making disciples of Jesus Christ to transform the world, but that ain't the way I would go about doing it.

Explaining this to the people in my program has also been equally difficult. One of the girls asks me religious questions all the time and constantly states, "But what is the point!?" She finally did tell me that I was the only religious person she's ever had respect for. I was both honored and sad by that and truly didn't know how to respond.

What an odd situation I find myself in as a white, American, christian, female.